Sunday, January 28, 2007
joining the ranks
It all started with Henry saying "Let's do something for Australia day", to which I said yes. Though it is not a holiday I can relate to in any way, I was interested in the experience of Australia Day, the socio-cultural side of it. I wanted to observe, and I wanted to see fireworks.
So from "Let's do something for Australia day", it became "Let's go to Darling Harbour", then "Let's buy something with an Australian flag on it before we go off to the harbour". Hmmm, I thought, okay, I guess I'll go along with this whole Australian flag thing. Might as well. When in Australia, do as the Australians do.
But from there it became, "Let's get Australian flag tatoos".
Wait a minute.
Ok, fine.
So...
That's how I ended up prancing around Darling Harbour with a flag of a country that was not my own, displayed on my right cheek.
To prove how much I couldn't relate to anything, when we got to the harbour side, I asked Henry who the guy singing on stage was. He looked at me incredulously and said, "Are you serious??? You don't know who he is? Those are the Whitlams!"
"Oh." (I still didn't know who they were.)
So all of it pretty much went over my head, until the AVP started. I remember watching the governer of NSW talking about how Australia's wealth lies in it's people, all the migrants who came here from 200 countries decades ago, and who made Australia the multicultural haven that it now is.
Then they started showing footage of actual immigrants who came here back in the 70s, and they were all talking about how they had moved here so-and-so number of years ago, how they've happily settled and started families here, and how they have no regrets, and how proud they are now to be Australian.
Henry started complaining that the AVP was going on for too long, but I stayed quiet. It was one of those weird, spine-chilling moments where you feel like one of your many possible futures is staring you in the face. I started thinking, will I be on that video 15 years from now, saying the same thing as those migrants? It could happen.
I've been here less than a year, and I'm not even a citizen yet, and time will tell how much of my life I'll actually be spending here. I still feel very much like an outsider, and I'm not even Australian yet... or am I?
Was I not one of those immigrants the governess of NSW spoke of, coming here from some far-off country to start a new life? And was I not standing in Darling Harbour, with thousands of other Australians, celebrating Australia day, with a godamn flag tatoo on my cheek? And wait... I live here now, right?
It was an odd moment, and as the fireworks ended, I stared at the sky pondering the answer; until I was brought back to earth by a kiss on the cheek and a "Happy Australia day" from... Henry, who is as Australian as an Australian can be. (Well, fine, as Australian as a Chinese-German born and raised in Australia can be.) Oh that's right, I thought, not only am I standing here with an Australian flag on my cheek, celebrating Australia day with Australians, but I'm dating an Australian, too.
Damn. Maybe I'm already part of the club. Far out.
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I'll bet the national budget for Australia Day celebrations can put an entire family through grade school in the Philippines hahaha.But don't mind me for thinking that way. It's just how I tend to think. Madali akong malula. I'm just a 3rd world-bred, little Filo girl dazzled by the overwhelming wealth of a country like Australia, whose idea of "poverty" are the bums you see begging on the street near Pitt Street Mall, hahaha. Man, at least those guys still have shoes. And I can bet they weren't born into poverty.
Some of the people I've met here, particularly ones who have never been outside of Australia, would be absolutely, positively shocked if I took them to a Philippine slum. Actually, just a drive down Katipunan road would be enough of a shock to them.
But, what alot of people here find difficult to understand is that a country isn't automatically a filthy, miserable hell-hole just because it's a developing country . They see footage of slums, terrorism, and starving children on the news, and think, God, what an awful place to be in. There's no beauty or happiness there. Thank God I'm not there.
Growing up in a country that is not as rich or orderly as Australia teaches you that there a great many ways to be happy and fullfilled, and not all of it is rooted in having every material benefit catered to you, the state of the economy, and how impressive your infrastructure is.
If this were so, why then does Australia have the highest rate of youth suicide in the world, despite the fact that they have virtually no excuse to be uneducated, or jobless, when they have beautiful beaches, and every material necessity provided for them? Nobody dies of starvation here. Also, why does the Philippines (as well as other small, island nations) always rank much higher than Australia in the yearly study to determine the worlds happiest country? Happiness isn't always determined by how much you have.
This is a beautiful place. The Philippines is a beautiful place, too, but it would be utterly wrong to seriously compare the two. Seeing both sides of the coin makes you realize how arrogant it is to think that your way of living is not only superior that of others', but also the only way people should live.
There are a great many ways to live life in this world. The way you live is just one of them. This is what travel makes you realize- and by travel I don't mean spending a week shopping in Singapore, billeted in a luxurious hotel, with the tour guide being the only 'local' you interact with.
You have to immerse yourself. You have to dive into the current of a country's culture and people. While certain mental constructs may work for you when you're in your own country, when in other places you must suspend these modes of thought and clear away pre-existing judgements and prejudices in your mind to make room for a new world to come in. That is travel.
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But I digress...
Anyways, after the fireworks we went for late dinner in Chinatown, shopped at the little stalls, then danced the night away to New Orleans jazz music at the world-famous Spiegel Tent , which is an actual burlesque tent made in the 1920s which travels the world, showcasing awesome performances. You really feel like you're in an old, 1920s film, and you half expect to see Billie Holiday singing the blues onstage. It was also one of those rare moments when all the ballroom dancing I learned in high school PE, and for my friend Manny's wedding, came in handy. As it turns out, not alot of people my age know how to boogie ;-)immortality
Whether I end up living her for the longterm or not, I've already immortalized myself in Australia through Anthony Callea's "Addicted To You" music video. Yup, that's about 3 seconds of immortality for me. See if you can spot me haha.Labels: australia day travel anthony callea
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Tuesday, January 23, 2007
ang iniiiiiit!!!!
I haven't been blogging because of the ungodly heat in this country. It's so hot that I lie down on my bed in the middle of the afternoon and wake up thirty minutes later realizing I fell unconscious. I can't think. I can't get anything done. My skin hurts, my head hurts, my joints hurt. This heat is PARALYZING. And I thought Manila was hot.
I have nothing meaningful to say. This will be a rambling post, with no structure, and no point. Bear with me. It's the heat.why do i start thinking about these things at 1 am?
Ok, it's time to stop playing. I'm over my just-arrived, lost, confused, neither-here-nor-there stage. I'm pretty much done with my exploration phase, and I want to start living a real life. I'm here now. I have finally decided that I am in Australia, physically and mentally. It's been almost a year after all. I'm over the depression, and I'm actually quite comfortable here. Ok, fine, I'll say it, I LIKE IT HERE.
I'm tired of holding off real life, taking on these pseudo jobs, and these projects that take up my time, but don't really pay sh*t. I'm glad I've started to become a hired artist, and I love my work, but if I actually relied on this for a living, I would be cold, naked, and hungry on the street (plus, I'd have bad eyesight from all the eyestrain, and muscle atrophy from getting zero exercise).
I need money. I am going to look for work, actual work that gives me dignified pay, so I can fullfill my 2-year dream of moving out. I love my suburb (OMG, did I just really say that?), and I love my house, but I must leave. It is a promise I made to myself.
Plus, I want a new computer. A desktop, not a laptop, with all the design software I need, plus, the hugest monitor I can afford, one that will let me draw to my heart's content without me having to strain my eyes. I am sick of working on a teeny-tiny, Powerbook screen. I estimate the whole shebang will cost me about 3000 dollars. (Hmmm, that's about the cost of 120 prints of my artwork sold at 25 dollars each... *wheels turning in my head*).
Argh, I'm old!!!a new cast of characters
I often marvel at the seeming randomness of how people's pathways cross each other in life. I mean, here I am in Australia with people whom I never even dreamed existed just a few months ago. I came here not knowing anyone, and now I'm starting to have some semblance of a core group, with people I never, ever imagined. I often wonder how much of it is pre-ordained.
One thing for sure is that I am always hit with the unexpected. I love the strange and wonderful mix of people life throws my way. I believe that like attracts like, that people with the same energy gravitate towards each other. This is the principle that acts behind strangers who meet for the first time and feel that they are kindred spirits. Have you ever had sat down with a stranger for a few hours and feel as if you've known each other before in some distant time and place?
Some are only meant to pass through your life briefly like shooting stars, staying only long enough to deliver their message or bestow you with a gift. Others are destined to stay for longer. Either way, I believe that each encounter is a meaningful one, that people come into each other's lives for a reason, whether it's only for 5 minutes or 5 years. Most of the time, these 'chance' meetings make sense only much later on in life.
So far, since I've moved here, I've attracted friends and people who are positive, vibrant, young-hearted, intelligent, and forever in-love with the world and with life; people who love to laugh, and who are prone to amazement and wonder. I like to think we all share a common factor. These people are the new cast of characters in my life.
Which ones of them will stay? Which ones will play major roles in this next chapter in my life? We shall see how the story plays out.to whoever wrote this
That's right, brotha! Keep Granville white! Too bad it's already been overrun by those pesky, brown Filipino people. Um... wait... that's me.
*Gasp* Racism! Oh god, I'm scarred for life! I wanna go home to my country- NOT! (Said in a Borat way)
All the people passing by started laughing when they saw us taking the photos (even white people).
The girl with me in the photo is my cousin and fellow-weirdo, Pimee. I'm so glad we live in the same country.summer sizzle
Well, despite the heat, summer has been quite wonderful, and lazy, and fun.Big red, sunglasses are love.Beach trips are love. I love living in a city where the beach is a 30 minute car-ride away.
And well, summer's been nice. ;-) And I've been having fun.
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Sunday, January 14, 2007
Wrote an entry but decided to let it sit a little longer before publishing it.in the meantime
With regards to the photo posted in the entry before this, I regret to say that I can't really jump that high.
I wish I could.
My leverage point right before the shot was taken was the flower box on the left.
Maybe I should have left you all to believe I really can jump that high ;-)photoblog!
In the past week, I have been to...
An Anthony Callea video shoot with my friends Miko and Vince.
I didn't even know who Anthony Callea was, and I'll probably be in the video for two seconds. These shots were taken in Leichardt after the shoot. More pics here!
Terrigal- with my family and the Morazas!
Terrigal is such an awesomely beautiful place! Mission Impossible 2 was shot there. More pics here.
A barbeque at Mona Vale.
Beer, meat, the outdoors, and soccer. Can't get any more Aussie than that. And did I mention I was the only non-Australian there? Yay, Ala is branching out, see. Whee :-p
Noite Brazil- Jazz at the Domain!
A perfect night of bossa nova, and samba performed by great musicians, set against the Sydney skyline at sunset... and all for free!!! More pics here!
I also had an inuman at my house with my Pinoy friends. Sarap kasama! Iba parin kasama ang mga Pinoy ;-)
Too bad we were all too drunk to take pictures.
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Saturday, January 06, 2007
hayaaaaa!!!!!
It scares me how I'm not afraid to make a fool of myself.
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Friday, January 05, 2007
point of no return
I mailed in my response to the University of Sydney today saying that I'm accepting the slot they're offering me in Master of Development Studies. I remember walking towards the mailbox with the thin, sealed, white envelope in my hands, the one that held my future. I knew that the moment I dropped it through the tiny slot in the red Aus Post mailbox, that I would set the ball of destiny rolling, and my life would never be the same again.
I told the universe I wanted to get into Master of Development Studies at Sydney University, and I did. But it's always scary when your life's plans actually start to come true. It's always nice to dream about what you plan to do with your life; but the moment those dreams start coming true, you know you've just hopped on a one-way train to the unknown, and there's no turning back.
This degree means several things to me. It means I really am committed to staying here for at least the next two years of my life. The foundations have been laid. This will be my homebase for the next few years. And it was my decision.
It also meansthat I have defined what I'm going to do for the next decade or so of my life. Unlike my old media and TV career which sort of just fell into my lap, this is something I am actually choosing. I thought about it long and hard. Everyone told me to take up art, but in the end, I followed my gut.
It was no ordinary decision. I've just dived into a current, and I don't know where it's going to take me.
I can't help but feel that I'm living real life now. I used to just cruise through life, not caring where it took me. Now I want to know what I'm here for. I want to know what I'm capable of doing, of becoming. Is this what our mid-twenties are all about?
Three years ago, when we were in uni, me and my friends talked only about parties, boys, alcohol, illegal substances, and rock n' roll. Real life was something that only happened to other people.
Now we talk about three things: career, relationships, and the eternal dilemma of stretching ourselves as far as we can go versus early marriage. I've heard it echo from the mouths of so many of my closest female friends: "I want to see the world/ live my youth to the fullest/ see what I'm all about, but I love him and I'm afraid to leave him". What happened to our reckless teenage years? We used to think we'd never let anything hold us back from conquering the world, and we certainly wouldn't have let love stand in our way.
That's another odd thought- I'm actually old enough to get married! I could do it if I wanted to, and my parents would actually take my decision seriously. When you're young, you can be reckless with love. But at this age, the decisions you make will actually matter in the long run.
When did real life begin?
One thing I've learned is that the moment you come close to attaining your dream, another door opens offering you an attractive escape route, a final temptation to remain in the security of your comfort zone forever. What could be more tempting than living the life you've always planned, growing old safe and secure in the company of your life-long friends? But this is to test your desire and the strength of your will.
I can almost predict what my life would have turned out to be like had I stayed. I would have continued making a good but unfullfilling living with showbiz because the money is just too good to give up. During my free time, I'd dabble in a bunch of projects, or in whatever I felt like, never mind that none of them will ever really amount to anything. I'd probably never grow up. I'd marry earlier than I planned because it would seem like the sensible thing to do. After all, I had found the love of my life, hadn't I? What could be more perfect? Then somewhere along the road, I'll start asking myself "What if?". What if I had gone to Australia? What if I had bothered to actually see what I can make of myself? But by that time, it will already have been too late to find out.
I probably would have been happy, just because I never bothered to venture outwards and see for myself if there was life outside of what I knew. It would be a happiness by default. Would I have been content? I don't know.
Now, here I am in the most uncertain of times. I came here not knowing anything. I've gotten by here on guts, and resourcefulness. I've started friendships that have yet to pass the test of time. I don't know what's going to happen to me here, and I get a bit scared when I think of how the next two years will change me. I know I will be so different from the person I was when I left. Will there be anything left waiting for me in Manila, the home of my heart?
But godammit, when have I ever felt so alive? I am in the hands of the universe. I laugh, cry, get homesick, feel lost, can't relate to anything... but when have I ever felt so effing alive??? When else have dreams seemed so possible? When have I ever been so in tune with myself? When have I ever known, with such certainty, what I want to become?
We're always told that we should live our own lives, but I've never actually felt like my life was mine till now. I know it's mine because I chose for it to be this way. Nobody else decided for me. Nobody forced me to be here.
And I can now declare, that I don't want my old life back anymore. That was a different phase of my life. I can never bring it back. This is a beginning.speaking of uncertainty
I never imagined I'd be spending my first Aussie New Year with these people. When I arrived here, I thought I'd be spending New Years depressed, and getting smashed all alone in my living room. But life didn't turn out that way.
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