Monday, July 30, 2007
too busy in the now
I have had no will to write. Every time I report for blogging duties, I think about how wonderful it is to be alive and living in the present moment, and decide that I would rather spend my time watching the rain fall, or seeing the palm trees casting dancing shadows on our drive way, or painting, or spending quality time with the people I love.
It's very nice to not be addicted to the internet for once. And it's nice to just live life, not write about living it, but really live it. It's nice to have actual interaction with living, breathing people, and not just through black text on a computer screen.
I've been overly intense about life, and it's nice to just chill out.
Anyway, just thought I'd share a strange photo that I like for some reason.
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Sunday, July 08, 2007
i guess i should say something
Ok, so I'm home. I've been in Manila quietly for two weeks and I've been so busy/content that I have absolutely nothing to say. How I got here is a story in itself. Why I'm here is just as unexplainable. I'm just happy to have the chance to be back for a little while after being away for 16 months.
Anyway, on to more interesting things. I splurged on a new do on my first week here.
I look like a Japanese man.It's short and straight, and I have bangs which I've never had before. I'm having fun with my hair and am in the mood to do crazy things with it. I miss my curls already, but I'm sick of having had the same hair do the past 5 years. I loved my curls and stood up for my natural hair texture in a straight-hair-obsessed modeling industry, and I'm glad I encouraged other curly tops to love themselves and do the same. But right now, I am really unattached to my hair, and I can dye it pink or shave it off for all I care. It's just hair. It'll grow back.
Ironically, I did it with hopes of looking older, but it made me look even younger instead!
Since I've gotten here, I've had a blissful time EATING, and it's Pinoy food that really makes me salivate; meaning danggit with suka for breakfast, Chicken Bacolod, nilasing na hipon sa taba ng talangka, bistek tagalog, taho, halo-halo, bibingka, etc. Woo! The food and produce may be alot fresher in Australia but we know what good cooking is all about.
Enjoying my stay so far, and find joy in spending time with old friends and people I love. I even love the heat and the humidity, though the traffic is HORRENDOUS. How was it that I learned to drive here? How is it that 2 lanes become 4 lanes? And the there's the unwritten rules of "making singit" that I cannot understand anymore. I can't drive here anymore, and neither can I cross the street by myself. I don't know if cars will stop for me or not. I still know how to take tricycles, thankfully.
Also, the billboards are overkill. They give me a headache, and I sometimes have to literally close my eyes and turn away from the thousands of faces of models and celebs jumping out at me telling me to buy their product. Is having a clear view of the sky not important? Or do we have to take a 3-hour drive out of town just to have an unobstructed view of it?
I am also being devoured by mosquitoes. I can't understand why it was never this bad before. And my bites no longer look like ordinary pantal, they're big, red, angry irritated rashes under my skin with burst blood vessels. I used to wonder why my American cousins would be feasted upon by mozzies every time they came here for a visit, while I could spend an afternoon outside and emerge completely unscathed. Does my blood smell 'foreign' now after a year of eating Aussie food? Or maybe it's because I haven't been bitten by a tropical mosquito for so long, that I no longer have anti-bodies in my system to combat the bites.
But I promised not to be one of those balikbayans who come back here and complain about everything, or at least not to complain as much as the Manila residents do (ha!). Manila may be chaotic, and clogged, and polluted but it's still home. Now I understand what it meant when another immigrant told me that it might help simplify my feelings if I thought of the Philippines as my mother, the place that raised me, and the place I will never forget and will always return to and love no matter what her shortcomings are. And if the Philippines is my mother, then I can think of Australia as my spouse, the place that I chose to love and "marry", and whose good and bad traits I have to learn to adapt to and live with. Well, for now at least. Forever is too strong a word to use for now. Maybe we're not married yet, just seriously dating. ;-)
Anyway, it reminds me of that familiar Biblical verse that is always used at weddings:"For this reason a man leaves his mother and father and clings to his wife..."Migration is a marriage in many ways.
Manila is as comfortable as an old shoe. But sometimes you need new shoes if you want to conquer new terrain. These new shoes called Sydney, they were uncomfortable at first and gave me blisters, but it's just a matter of walking, and keeping on, and bearing the pain until you break them in. :-)
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When my plane touched down in Manila, I remember exclaiming "I'm home, I'm home!" to the stranger sitting beside me. An hour and a half later, while I was stuck in rush hour traffic, I caught myself telling the driver, "I want to go back home (to Sydney)!"
Made me realize that I'm not so sure what "home" is anymore. I have two homes now, neither of which is really home. I'm a nomad for now. You can place me anywhere and I will make it home.
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I'm not used to being idle, and I hate having to be driven around, and I miss cooking and capoeira. I hope to find some work while I'm here. I don't like feeling unproductive.
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My friends Katwo and Nico got married yesterday :-) Just want to share some pictures on my multiply.
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